


The Words Don't Matter (We Break Them Anyway Remix)

by laireshi



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Angst, Avengers Vol. 5 (2013), M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 19:11:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9917702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laireshi/pseuds/laireshi
Summary: I remember falling in love with you. I remember waiting for you. I remember the first time I saw you.Not:I remember what you've done to me, I remember the unforgivable.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nostalgicatsea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgicatsea/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Multitude of One](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9592586) by [nostalgicatsea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgicatsea/pseuds/nostalgicatsea). 



Tony wakes up, screaming. The pain is cold and over-encompassing, and he can barely remember the dream, but he thinks there was something—the ice, being frozen alive . . . 

He shivers and shivers and can’t stop screaming.

It’s only when it’s over that he notices he’s cradling his hand against his chest. He panics; if something _actually_ happened to his left hand—he needs it to work, to solder the tiny parts in his robots and machinery—but no, the pain is receding already.

And in it’s place are lines: sharp, sudden, as if written in a hurry, barely legible. Is his soulmate going to be emotional when saying the words? As exalted as Tony will be at finding his soulmate?

 _I remember_.

Tony stares at his wrist and stares and stares. He’s still breathing fast, but it’s as if he’s forgotten the pain already.

 _I remember_ , Tony’s soulmate will say one day, their eyes full of love. _I remember the day we met. I remember thinking of you. I remember falling in love with you_.

It’s Jarvis who warns him to keep his wrist covered, who tells him there are people who _would_ hurt Tony if they knew his words. He gives Tony his own wristband, made of old leather. 

It’s Sunset Bain who teaches Tony to never ever take the band off again.

But it’s the promise of his soulmate, _real,_ waiting for him, that stops Tony from finding ways to strip the words off his skin. He knows, has always known, that no one should be burdened with Tony Stark, but he wants to be selfish, he wants something good to look forward to.

He never quite stops hoping.

Tony meets— _finds—_ Captain America; he meets Steve Rogers, and his world gets lighter. It’s in how Steve always sees the best in everyone and how he’s so brave and strong, in how he takes the new century head on, how he’s the support that Tony so desperately needs.

They’re not soulmates, they cannot be; for one, Steve’s soulmate must’ve died years ago, and even if not . . . Steve deserves someone _perfect_. But that’s okay, Tony thinks; he’s okay never finding his soulmate if he has Steve’s friendship.

Tony doesn’t ask, but he doesn’t have to: Steve’s words are covered by a thick vibranium plating, and he very carefully never mentions them.

It’s not as if Tony does, either, but he can’t help but think there’s more to it. Steve doesn’t look hopeful when the topic of soulmates comes up. 

_He’s lost everyone he’s known_ , Tony thinks every time it happens, and wonders what it’s like to lose a soulmate. 

But Steve’s helping Tony so much, maybe, just maybe, Tony can help him too.

It’s late nights in the library, and moving together as if they were one in the battlefield, and it’s trust, even though Steve still doesn’t know Iron Man’s name.

 _You gave me a home_ , Steve says, and Tony wishes his words said that.

They’ll be fine, Tony thinks. There are problems now, and there will be problems later, but they’ll be fine.

Neither of them _needs_ a soulmate. Tony hopes Steve agrees, but he doesn’t ask.

Tony knows Steve doesn’t agree, and he doesn’t tell him anything, when the draft of Superhuman Registration Act lands on Tony’s desk.

***

“Finish it,” Tony says, _begs_.

Steve stares down at him in horror, drops the shield to the side, scrambles off Tony, as if burnt, as if he abhorred Tony so much he couldn’t stand to be this close—and he’s shaking, and Tony’s still dizzy from all the blows but he remembers this with perfect clarity:

Steve Rogers, looking at him the way he’d never done before, intense and almost scary, saying, _I give up_. 

Steve Rogers, letting himself be led away with handcuffs around his wrists.

Steve Rogers, somehow defeated with two words that Tony forced through his aching, broken jaw, and—

_Extremis, armour damage analysis—_

He’s not going to think about it. 

_Extremis, scan and identify potential threats; Extremis, don’t scan my body; Extremis, find the injured ones._

Just don’t think, Tony knows. Don’t think.

***

It continues, because how could it not, _don’t think don’t think don’t think—_ and Steve _hates_ him now— _don’t think don’t think don’t think—_ and all the TV stations in the world show Captain America being led to his trial— _don’t think don’t—_

_Don’t—_

_Don’t be—_

_Don’t be dead, Steve, you can’t!_

And then: _Extremis, full system shut—_

Someone’s shaking him, and someone slaps him in the face, and he opens his eyes to Carol Danvers standing in his office and still glowing with power. How fast did she fly? How did she know to?

“What _the hell_ were you doing, Tony?”

Tony closes his eyes. “He’s dead.”

Carol holds him tight, and she’s blonde and blue-eyed and ex-military and Tony wants to laugh, because she is nothing like Steve at all.

 _Steve is dead steve is dead steveisdead_ , Extremis blinks at him again and again, like a system failure, and Tony can’t stop crying.

***

He looks at his words sometime, and they don’t bring him joy. 

_I remember how I met you_.

Nice. Tony remembers how _he got Steve killed_.

He just wants him back. So much.

***

Tony doesn’t remember a lot of things, but he remembers the hope his words gave him, and he looks at them now.

 _I remember_.

So his soulmate might know . . . ?

Then Tony researches what exactly happened in the last two days, sees the _Captain America assassinated_ headline, and simultaneously understands why Steve seems to hate him, and that Tony made a bigger mistake than he could’ve ever imagined.

He doesn’t want to remember that.

He covers his words angrily, once again.

***

The other Illuminati are all gone, and it’s just Steve and Tony in the dim chamber, holding their Infinity Gems.

“So,” Steve says, the Time Gem between two of his fingers, “Do you really not remember?”

 _Which of the many parties I was blackout drunk at_ , Tony thinks, but he won’t do that to Steve and actually say it out loud. “I don’t,” he says, and then, “and whatever you’re planning—”

“Planning?” Steve raises his head sharply, only then seems to notice he’s still holding the Gem. He winces. “No. I just—wanted to know. I’m sorry, Tony.”

Tony stares at him, because this is so unlike Steve—but he has a Space Gem to hide, and he’s never quite sure how to talk to Steve anymore. 

“It’s okay,” he says, though it’s bullshit, this whole conversation is bullshit, and he’s scared of what’s lying underneath Steve’s words. He waves at him, and goes to his lab.

Steve doesn’t follow.

***

They meet in the kitchen. Steve looks around quickly—Tony could tell him the sensors only pick them up.

“I hid my Gem,” Steve says, which explains the secrecy. “I’m sorry—”

“Noth—”

Except Tony can’t finish the sentence, because Steve’s kissing him, suddenly, insistent, hungry; in every way Tony’s ever dreamt of. 

He’s breathing heavily when they separate, and Tony grabs his wrist tight. “We’re not soulmates,” he says.

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Since when do you care?”

“Since it’s you!” Tony raises his hands high. “You—you deserve to be with someone perfect. And you—”

Steve silences him with a finger on his lips. “No one,” he says quietly, seriously, “no one should ever say the words on my wrist.” He takes a deep breath. “I love you, Tony. Isn’t that what matters?”

Tony loves Steve with all his being, but . . . “Are they gone?”

Steve looks caught for a second. Then he slowly shakes his head.

Tony thinks of his naive, childhood dreams, and wants to laugh. _Destiny_. No. His life is his, and he chose, he’s choosing Steve Rogers, every day, every second. 

But Steve clearly isn’t choosing him. He’s just protecting his soulmate. And it hurts—but it won’t make Tony leave him.

“Come on, Steve,” Tony says, as if it’s nothing. “We’re going to watch Doctor Who.”

Steve nods, after a moment, and he still sits close to Tony, but he fiddles with the bracelet covering his words the whole time.

Tony wants to cry, but _it’s the right thing to do_.

***

They regain their balance, and Tony doesn’t think about the kiss, and doesn’t think about his words, and just works with Steve, and it’s better than it’s ever been.

***

They’re in Necropolis, the Illuminati, and them, Steve and Tony, and they’re not on the same side for the first time in years.

Another world or theirs? Where Steve lives? This really is no question at all, to Tony.

It’s an impossible sacrifice to Steve, which is why usually Tony loves him so much. Now he wants to scream.

And then Doctor Strange suggests his spell, and Tony nods, and it’s almost physical pain that he feels as Steve looks at him, betrayal in his eyes, and Tony’s forearm feels on fire—

But he has to lift Steve up in his arms and fly him back to New York and he has to put him to bed and feels sick at himself the whole time. 

***

He lies to Steve with every breath. 

Steve doesn’t notice.

Tony’s wrist hurts almost constantly.

He wonders if his soulmate is close, if it’s a sign, and he doesn’t care anymore.

No one deserves to be burdened with him.

***

Thor punches the door to Tony’s lab in, Steve storming in behind him, and Tony freezes. He doesn’t need questions, really.

This is where it starts. This is where it ends.

He doesn’t speak. He waits for Steve to accuse him, or maybe to punch him; he’s guilty, he deserves it all. He expects the yelling, the screaming, the anger.

He doesn’t expect Steve to say, very, very quietly, “ _I remember_.”

Tony’s world shatters.

He clutches at his forearm, and he can’t really understand anything else Steve’s saying, and oh god, _what has he done_. 

(As if he would’ve changed anything, if he had known then, when he’s perfectly sure he would’ve done it all again.)

There’s silence, and Steve’s looking at him with disgust, and pain, and . . . understanding?

“So that’s how it is,” he snarls, “ _soulmate?_ ”

Tony stares at him, because it’s not, it can’t be, it—Steve just means him, it must be really obvious with the way Tony can’t stop touching the wrist with the words, and they’re burning, and Tony’s sure _it shouldn’t be this way_. 

_I remember falling in love with you. I remember waiting for you. I remember the first time I saw you._

Not: _I remember the unforgivable._

Tony can’t do it.

He takes off his armour controller. “Go on, then,” he says. “Arrest me. Condemn our world forever.”

Reed and the others should have more ideas at this point. They’ll manage it, with or without him.

Steve punches him, finally, months and months too late, and Tony tastes blood in his mouth. 

_Soulmates_.

Funny thing, he thinks, and Steve hits him again, and Tony raises his head and stares him right into his eyes. “Finish it, this time,” he says, because he saw the videos and he saw Steve hesitating, and he can’t have that now, he can’t, he needs it all to end—

Steve freezes.

“Thor,” he says, at last. “Put Stark into a cell. One he hasn’t designed.”

 _Lose the key_ , Tony ends in his hazy mind; this would be the best. _Lose the key and make Strange wipe all your memories of me, wouldn’t that be best, Steve?_

Tony goes quietly.


End file.
